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Post by timothy shane brooks on Nov 20, 2010 5:55:18 GMT
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and that's the lousy truth
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thank god for spell check or even i wouldn't be able to read this. i was always a lousy speller, and a lousy student in general. i think i'm dyslexic. but i don't get my numbers backwards or anything, so maybe i'm not dyslexic. because i've seen a dyslexic person's paper, and damn, not even the teacher could read that paper.
i don't know why i'm writing a journal. i once had counseling, because mom said it was "good for your mental health." the counselor told me if i had secret feelings about stuff that i couldn't express, i should write about it. he said writing was a deeper way of expressing your feelings. he also said a lot of other things that made absolutely no sense, and i wasn't even paying attention. and then he diagnosed me with adhd.
... let's cut to the point of me writing all this. the other day, someone came back. someone who i care deeply about. i'm never going to use someone's name in here - for if i leave this open one day, and my room mate walks in, he might read it. don't want that now, do we? well, they came back, all the way from england. and i know i can say england because there's more than one person in blue bay, california who's from england. so hah, room mate!
we had this strange reunion. i cried while i was hugging them. they were talking about how much they love me, but.. i'm not sure. i'm not sure if i believe them. i've always been a faithful christian, even if in some people's eyes i was unfaithful and a disgrace and i should be disowned. i believe in staying.. well, faithful, to the person i love. and i love them. and they love me, but.. i'm starting to doubt how much. i mean, they left me! and i'm afraid.. i'm afraid they'll do it again. it hurt the first time. it hurt deep, deep down inside. wouldn't it hurt just as much as the first time, like reopening up a wound?t.b.
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Post by timothy shane brooks on Jan 1, 2011 10:16:53 GMT
happy new years!
totally messing up my sleeping schedule right now. it's about 2 am, and i'm laying awake in bed, trying to type quietly so i don't wake my room mates up. i can hear them snoring. they snore really loudly. anyways.. i've enjoyed this year. it's been really nice, considering i actually have a reason to keep living, now. we haven't had any problems so far. no fighting. i hope it stays this way. i hope 2011 turns out good. maybe i'll get a job. not much else to say, though. signing off now, to get some sleep.t.b.
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